First off, if you're attempting this recipe, it will really help you if you at least scroll through all the photos in the accompanying blog post.

Clam chowder-style filling: add oil to a medium pan over medium heat. When the oil is shimmering, add the frozen hash brown. Season with salt and pepper. 

Cook the frozen hash brown patty for about 4 minutes per side, until the exterior is crispy and browned. Remove to a paper towel or cutting board to rest. After they've cooled for about 2 or 3 minutes, chop them into pieces about the same size as your onion and celery pieces.

Add a teaspoon of butter to the still-warm pan and then add the onion and celery. Lightly season with salt and pepper. Cook the onion and celery for about 5 minutes, until the onion has softened just a bit. Remove from the pan to a bowl to cool. 

Drain the canned clams and reserve the liquid for a clamato cocktail or discard it. Chop the clams into fairly small pieces.

Once the onion and celery have cooled, add them to a large bowl with cream cheese, potato pieces, and chopped clams. Stir to combine well. This is your clam chowder-style filling. Place the bowl back in the refrigerator until you're ready to fill the pastries.

Cheddar Bay-style pie dough: add the cheddar cheese to a bowl, and add the garlic powder, onion powder, dried parsley, and MSG to a separate bowl. This is your seasoning mixture. 

Carefully lay one pie dough out on a lightly floured surface. Top with 1/3 of the shredded cheese and sprinkle on 1/3 of the seasoning mixture. Place a second pie dough on top of the cheese and seasoning. You should now have two pie doughs with cheese and seasoning in between the two dough layers. 

Place a couple of tablespoons of cheese and a few pinches of seasoning on the bottom half of the circular pie dough and then fold the top half on top of the cheese and seasoning (like you're making a quesadilla). Now you should have a rough semicircle with several layers of dough sandwiching several layers of cheese and seasoning. 

With a rolling pin, roll this pile of dough into a rough rectangle. I shot for 6 inches wide by 15 inches long. Using a ruler or measuring tape, cut out rectangles that are the size of the Pop-Tarts you'd like. I went for large pastries, which meant 4 x 6-inch rectangles. But a regular store-bought Pop-Tart is 3 x 4.25 inches in shape. Just cut your rectangles to be the same size and shape because one rectangle will end up being the bottom of the tart, and one will be the top.

Once those two pie dough pieces are cheesed, seasoned, rolled, and then cut, do it again for the other 2 pie doughs using the rest of the cheese and seasoning. 

After all 4 pie doughs are finished and you have a stack of rectangles, place them in the fridge until you are ready to bake.

Preheat your oven to 375 F (190 C). 

Assembly and baking: place down one rectangle and add about 3 spoonfuls of clam chowder-style filling. Arrange the filling so it's in the middle of the rectangle with just a bit of dough showing all around. Try not to overstuff at this point.

Cover the filling with a second dough rectangle and then, using the tines of a fork, press down indentations all around the exterior to close the dough around the filling. Using that same fork, poke 3 or 4 times into the top of the pastry—in the middle where the filling is. These will be steam vents that will keep the filling from bursting out. 

Place the filled pastry on a parchment-lined sheet pan. Sprinkle a little bit of cheese on top of each Pop-Tarts and continue creating pastries until you run out of dough rectangles and filling. 

Bake for 25 to 30 minutes, rotating the pan 180 degrees at about the 12-minute mark. 

Near the end of the bake time, melt some butter in a bowl in your microwave or in a pot on the stove, and add garlic powder and dried parsley. 

After the Pop-Tarts are baked and starting to brown just a little on the edges, remove them from the oven and paint on the buttery herb mixture with a pastry brush or the back of your spoon.

Allow the pastry to cool for about 10 to 15 minutes. If you try to eat them right out of the oven, they will be soft and somewhat floppy. They firm up as they cool.